I Used To Do Drugs, But That

I'm Sorry, Was That Homophobic? No--i Think It Was, 'cause I Hear That A Lot. Dave, What?, You're Talking About Being Gay. You Probably Secretly Are Gay. And I'm Like Listen Voice In My Head, I'm Not! How Do You Know You Wouldn't Like It? How Do You Know You Wouldn't Like It? I Know I Wouldn't Like It, Other Scarier Voice In My Head! 'cause One Time While Making A Sandwich, A Cucumber Went Up My Ass. Three Times.

I Have A Lot Of Pot Tendencies. I'm Always Late, I Laugh For No Reason, I Watch Jeopardy! With The Sound Off And Make Up My Own Questions.

You Know What My Drink Is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, That Is A Wild Man Drink. That Should Come With Bail Money, You Know What I'm Saying? Because On Jack, You Don't Know Where You're Going To End Up, But You Know When You Get There, You Won't Be Wearing Any Pants.

I Smoke So Much. Three Packs A Day... I Went To The Bathroom, A Camel Came Out Of My Ass.

When I Was A Kid, I Really Loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.