I Took The Wife's Family Out For

My Mother-in-law Fell Down A Wishing Well. I Was Amazed; I Never Knew They Worked.

Funny Thing How You First Meet The Woman That You Marry. I First Met The Wife In A Tunnel Of Love. She Was Digging It.

My Mother-in-law Has So Many Wrinkles, When She Smiles She Looks Like A Venetian Blind.

I Can Always Tell When The Mother In Law's Coming To Stay; The Mice Throw Themselves On The Traps.

Mind You, I've Always Been Musical... Mother Used To Sit Me On Her Knee And I'd Whisper, 'mummy, Mummy, Sing Me A Lullaby Do,' And She'd Say: 'certainly My Angel, My Wee Bundle Of Happiness, Hold My Beer While I Fetch Me Banjo.'