I Told My Wife She Looks Sexy

I Was The Kid Next Door's Imaginary Friend.

I Give Money To Unicef Because I Like The 'bang For Your Buck' Aspect. Here's $10, Go And Save 1,000 Kids From Blindness!

Girls Throw Their Panties On The Stage, But Rarely If Ever Do They Fit.

I've Been At Stand-up 26 Years Now: After A While, You Get As Jaded As The Proverbial Gynecologist Who No Longer Enjoys Drugging And Violating His Patients.

My Parents Were Very Protective. I Couldn't Even Cross The Street Without Them Getting All Excited, And Placing Bets.