I Think America Causes Cancer, Longevity Is

I Want To Just Take A Moment To Thank The Teabaggers. Thank You So Much For Helping Us Pass Health Care, For Resurrecting The Obama Presidency. I Know They're Saying, 'why Are You Thanking Me? I Was So Against It, I Marched On Washington With Tea Bags Hanging Off My Founding Fathers Costume, With A Gun On My Hip And A Picture Of Obama Dressed As Hitler, Screaming About His Birth Certificate.' And America Saw That And Said, 'i Think I'll Go With The Calm Black Man.'

New Rule: The Rest Of The World Can Go Back To Being Completely Jealous Of America. Our Majority White Country Just Freely Elected A Black President, Something No Other Democracy Has Ever Done. Take That Canada! Where's Your Nubian Warrior President? Your Head Of State Is A Boring White Dude Named Steven Harper, And Mine Is A Kick-ass Black Ninja Named Barack Hussein Obama!

I Kid The Republicans, With Love. I Feel Bad For Them. They Got Nobody For Next Time. Who Are They Gonna Run? Sarah Palin, Reading Off Her Hand. Did You See That? You Saw This? She Wrote "tax Cuts" On Her Hand. A Republican So Stupid She Has To Be Reminded Of The One Thing - Tax Cuts! This Is Like If You Saw The Coyote's Paw And It Said "road Runner".

What We Don't Know Is About Jeb Bush And Cocaine. But We Do Know That He Did Once Had His Brother Florida On A Silver Platter.

Republicans Have Become The Party Of Red, White And Blue Rose Colored Glasses. By Drowning Out Criticism With Usa! Usa!, They Prevent This Country From Healing Itself Where It Needs Healing, And That Is The Opposite Of Country First.