I Still Like Paper Books. Like, Book

Never Be Less Interesting Than Your Refrigerator Magnets.

It Would Be Nice If People Said, God Bless You Not Just When You Sneezed But Also When You Farted.

When I'm Buying Car Insurance I Ask Myself, 'which Company Has The Most Annoying And Relentless Commercials?'

Someday I Will Tell My Grandchildren That I Lived In The Era When Ok Was Abbreviated To K.

I Just Started Doing This One-man Show, And I Wanted To Be Able To Score It, So I Bought A Guitar, And Got A Keyboard And Got A Harmonica. I Remember When I Started That I Didn't Understand Why A Harmonica Had Different Letters On Them.