I Remember When I Used To Be

I Was On The Train The Other Day, And I Heard Somebody Say, I'm Really Good At Checkers. That's The Same Thing As Saying, I'm Not Good At Very Many Things.

A Drunk Driver Is Very Dangerous. So Is A Drunk Backseat Driver If He's Persuasive.

I Don't Think I Ever Wrote A Song. I Can Write A Lot Of Jokes, But When I Try To Write Lyrics They're The Most Direct, Non-figurative Words, Like, 'i Like You, I Like You,'... And That's It, For The Whole Song. People Would Go, 'ooh, This Guy's Dylan Or Something.' It Gives Me A Lot More Respect For Songwriters, Actually.

Coffee Is Like A Bra. 3 Cups Is One Too Many.

My Policy Is 'no Stone Throwing Regardless Of Housing Situation.'