I Obviously Identify With The Anti-authority Figure.

If I'm President, There Are Going To Be Government Vans That Drive Around And Pick Up People Who Shouldn't Be Wearing Certain Clothing. Talk About Lack Of Civil Rights - I'm Sorry, I'm Pulling You Right Off The Street, And We're Giving You Clothes That You're Going To Be O.k. In.

I Would Have To Commit A Crime And Have Cops Chase Me. That Would Be The Only Way To Get Me To Jog Five Miles.

Kids Are Incredibly Expensive. But It Pays Off Later When They Are Better Educated, Bigger, And Better-looking Than You. And Find You Incessantly Boring And Uncool.

Peter Falk And Denis Leary Today Walked Into A Starbucks And Shot 27 People, Without Any Announcement Whatsoever.

I'm No Prophet And I'm No Genius, But I Can Only Tell You What I Seem To Know. As A Fan Of Television And The Movies, I Think It's All For The Better.