I Never Yell, I Never Tell, But

Girls Are Like Pianos. When They're Not Upright, They're Grand.

That's What Show Business Is, Sincere Insincerity.

The Odds Against There Being A Bomb On A Plane Are A Million To One, And Against Two Bombs A Million Times A Million To One. Next Time You Fly, Cut The Odds And Take A Bomb.

Have You Noticed That All The People In Favor Of Birth Control Are Already Born?

I Thought I Couldn't Afford To Take Her Out And Smoke As Well. So I Gave Up Cigarettes. Then I Took Her Out And One Day I Looked At Her And Thought: 'oh Well,' And I Went Back To Smoking Again, And That Was Better.