I Never Go Looking For Child Pornography,

A Lot Of People Consider 9/11 To Be A Tragedy, And In Some Ways It Is, But I Think There's Also Opportunity For A Lot Of Humor There.

I Once Looked In The Mirror At Myself And Noticed That, Without A Doubt, I Am A Sexy Man. In Fact, I Don't Think I'll Ever Get Married...it Just Wouldn't Be Fair For My Spouse To Catch Me Enjoying A Look In The Mirror More Than Having Sex With Her.

Every Time I See A Child Walking Down The Street I Like To Trip Them. While They Look For Their Missing Teeth, I Personally Remind Them That No Matter How Hard They Try I Will Always Be Better Than Them.

Sure, It Was Terrible And All, But You Have To Ask Yourself: If The Whole City Was Flooded, Why Couldn't They Just Swim To Safety?

I Know Every Politician Spins The Truth A Little.