I Mean, I Do Love Clever And

It Is My Wish To Die Of Unique Causes, Perhaps In A High-speed Tricycle Crash, A Bizarre Stapling Incient, Or As A Result Of Inadvertently Sucking My Brains Out Through My Ear While Trying To Untwist The Vacuum Hose.

My Mom Said She Learned How To Swim When Someone Took Her Out In The Lake And Threw Her Off The Boat. I Said, 'mom, They Weren't Trying To Teach You How To Swim.'

Speaking Of Happy Successes, After Years Of Struggling To Lose Those Few Extra Pounds Every Mother Puts On During Adoption, Particularly When The Doctor Orders Bed Rest, In 2004 I Sent My Assistant To The Gap In Dark Glasses With A Fake Id To Purchase My First Pair Of Easy Fit Jeans.

I Don't Have A Bank Account Because I Don't Know My Mother's Maiden Name And Apparently That's The Key To The Whole Thing Right There. I Go In Every Few Weeks And Guess.

I Love Key Lime Pie, Although It's Never Made The Proper Way.