I Love Anyone Who Surprises Me And

I Got Into Comedy Because I Wanted To Get Into Writing.

I Can Stand By A Tweet. But Comedy Central Said They Couldn't Publicly Support Me, Unless I Deleted It. I Wasn't About To Tell The People Who Work For Me That They Didn't Have Jobs Anymore Because I Wasn't Going To Delete A Stupid Tweet.

Whenever I Meet A Pretty Girl, The First Thing I Look For Is Intelligence; Because If She Doesn't Have That, Then She’s Mine.

My Girlfriend Asked Me If I Only Love Her For Her Body. I Said No, Baby. Just Parts Of It.

A Couple Of Months Ago, I Gave My Girlfriend Some Fancy Lingerie, And She Actually Got Mad At Me. She Said, 'anthony, I Think This Is More Of A Gift For You Than It Is For Me.' And I Said, 'if You Want To Get Technical, It Was Originally A Gift For My Last Girlfriend.'