I Love Anyone Who Surprises Me And

My First Time On Stage Was The Class "graduation" At The Comedy Store. It Was Awesome. Everything Got Huge Laughs And I Just Thought I Knew How To Do Comedy.

People Say It's Easy To Make Fun Of Retarded People, But It's Not. You Really Have To Explain It To Them.

I Hated My Mom For Not Letting Me Play Football As A Kid. So When I Have Kids Someday, I Guarantee They'll Never Meet Their Grandmother.

About A Month Ago Some Kids In My Neighborhood Were Playing Hide-and-go-seek And One Of Them Ended Up In An Abandoned Refrigerator. It's All Anybody Talked About For Weeks. I Said, 'who Cares? How Many Kids You Know Get To Die A Winner?

I Don't Ever Want To Have Kids Of My Own. But I Do Want A Lot Of Kids.