I Love Anyone Who Surprises Me And

Yesterday I Accidentally Hit A Little Kid With My Car. It Wasn't Serious — Nobody Saw Me.

I Could See Myself Adopting A Kid Someday. But, Obviously, I'd Prefer It To Be Aborted.

I Will Never Understand How A Mother Can Kill Her Own Baby And Not Get Away With It.

My Girlfriend Loves To Eat Chocolate. She's Always Eating Chocolate. And She Likes To Joke She's Got A Chocolate Addiction. You Know, She'd Be Like Keep Me Away From Those Chocolate Bars, I'm Addicted To Them. And It's Really Annoying. So One Day I Put Her In The Car And I Drove Her Downtown And I Pointed Out A Crack Addict. And I Said You See That Honey? Why Can't You Be That Skinny?

I'm Trying To Teach My Girlfriend How To Surf. But I Just End Up Yelling At Her The Whole Time. Because I Don't Know How To Surf.