I Love Anyone Who Surprises Me And

I Try To Write Three Jokes Every Morning, Although I Don't Know What They Are. I Write Them As Fast As I Can, Then I Put Them Away For A Month. So I Couldn't Even Tell You What They Are, Or If They're Good. I Just Assume They Weren't.

Child Molesters Must All Think They've Got Huge Dicks.

When My Girlfriend Cooks Dinner, I'm Happy To Do The Dishes. Because I Make Her Wash Dishes When I Take Her To A Restaurant.

My Favorite Part Of Going To A Wedding Is Ruining The Wedding.

I Can Drink Like A Fish, Or At Least, Someone Born With Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.