I Live My Life Like There's No

Ex-girlfriends Will Find Themselves In My New Routine. Sometimes They Like That, And Sometimes They Definitely Do Not. But Comedians Should Come With A Giant Warning Or Disclaimer: If You Date Me, It Will Be In My Act.

There Was A Girl I Loved In High School - But Never Spoke To. Cut To My Five-year Reunion: I'm An Entirely Different Person.

Someone Needs To Make A Zombie Movie Where When You Get Bit It Turns You Into A Singing And Dancing Extraordinaire.

If You're Drunk Please Don't Drive. If You're On Shrooms Please Don't Think Walmart's A Prison For Bad Clothing That Needs Help Escaping.

I Love Singing Along To The Radio While I'm Riding In The Back Of A Squad Car.