I Like The Tradition Of The Oscars.

My Goals Were Small. My Goal Was To Become A Big Enough Stand-up That I Wouldn't Have To Do Radio. I Could Sell Out A Club, Which Is Like 300 Seats. If I Got Big Enough, I Could Sell Before I Got There, And I Wouldn't Have To Get Up At 6 In The Morning To Do Radio. That Was Pretty Much The Dream. I Had No Idea I'd Be Playing Madison Square Garden Or Anything.

People Say, 'why Is He Bored With Her?' Because He's A Human Being, That's Why; Same Way His Wife Is Bored With Him. That Is Marriage - Anything That's Supposed To Be Forever, Your Going To Get Bored With It. And There Is Nothing Wrong With It, So Don't Take It Personal; If You Are With Somebody For Ten Years And They Are Not Bored With You? Then Something Is Wrong With Them.

I've Remade A Few Movies And They All Have One Thing In Common: Great Endings. If You're Going To Remake Something, Make Sure That Ending Is Tight. It's A Little Less Challenging, If You Have A Great Ending. If You Don't Have A Great Ending, Don't Remake The Movie.

Give Me A Black Man, A White Woman, A Giraffe, A Zebra Anything But Another White Man! That Last One F***ed Up My Roof!

There's Always A Moment In Any Stand-up Show I Do Where People Are Booing. They Kinda Boo A Premise. And Then I Bail Myself Out With A Joke. But It's Like Trying To Do Movies Where There's A Dramatic Undertone.