Kids Always Act Up The Most Before

The Thing I Try To Get Across To The Writers - And I Do A Lot Of Writing, Too - Is That When I Do Stand-up, Nothing I Talk About Is Funny. Everything Is Really Sad And Tragic And Then I Make It Funny.

If You Want To Prevent Abortions, You Make Sure Everyone Has Health Care, A High School Education And Birth Control. Not The Exact Opposite.

The Only Acting You Ever See At The Oscars Is When People Act Like They’re Not Mad They Lost. Nicole Kidman Was Smiling So Wide, She Should Have Won An Emmy At The Oscars For Her Great Performance. I Was Like, "if You’d Done That In The Movie, You’d Have Won An Oscar, Girl."

Now That I Have Children, I Realize Taking Care Of My Children Is More Fun Than Anything In The Whole World.

Nobody Really Wants To Be A Stand-up, They Want To Get On Tv.