I Let My Drinking Do The Talking.

I Hate Funerals. They Aren't For The Guy Who's Dead. They're For The Guys Who Are Left Alive And Enjoy Mourning.

(on Bette Davis) Even When I Was Carrying A Gun, She Scared The Be-jesus Out Of Me.

(on Ingrid Bergman) "i Didn't Do Anything I've Never Done Before, But When The Camera Moves In On That Bergman Face, And She's Saying She Loves You, It Would Make Anybody Feel Romantic."

(on Katharine Hepburn) She Talks At You As Though You Were A Microphone; She Lectured The Hell Out Of Me On Temperance And The Evils Of Drink. She Doesn't Give A Damn How She Looks. I Don't Think She Tries To Be A Character. I Think She Is One.

I Gave Up Drinking Once -- It Was The Worst Afternoon Of My Entire Life.