I Learned To Play The Piano On

There Is A Bit Of Hans Christian Andersen In Every Dane.

Clarinets, Like Lawyers, Have Cases, Mouthpieces, And They Need A Constant Supply Of Hot Air In Order To Function.

How Nice. Now The Germans Can Sleep In Peace, Knowing That They Will Not Be Invaded By Us.

Occasionally, A Finger Comes Up To Wipe A Tear [of Laughter] From The Eye... And That's My Reward... The Rest Goes To The Government.

When I Was A Little Boy And Played Liebestraum, My Father Used To Hit Me On The Head With A Newspaper Every Time I Slopped The Cadenza . . . I Hate Liebestraum.