I Know Who I Am. Bloody Hell,

I Came Face-to-face With A Gorilla Which Was Quite Good, But It Was A 10-hour Trek In Bad Weather, Up Hills, Covered In Mud, With Mosquitoes Everywhere And When We Got There The Gorilla's Just Sat There Doing Nowt.

By 78 You've Done Everything You're Going To Do. If You Haven't Bungee-jumped By The Time You're 78 You're Not Going To Do It.

The Problem I Have With All This Religion Stuff Is That I Can't Relate To It. I Think Most People Got Into 'cos It Gave Them Something To Do On A Sunday, But Since All The Shops Are Now Open It Isn't Required As Much.

I Don't Know Why Small Chocolates Are Called Fun-sized; I Mean, If I Called A Midget Fun-sized, They'd Kick Off.

I Came Up With A Good Idea... See-through Skin.