I Have Such Disdain For Anybody Who

People Say To Me All The Time, "i Get My News From Your Show." And That Isn't The Way They Should Get Their News. But The Choice Is Not Between Getting Their News The Right Way And Getting Their News From My Show. The Choice Is That They Won't Get Any At All Unless You Give It To Them In An Entertaining Package.

Stand-up Is Great Because I Can Get Everything Off My Chest.

We Don't Really Have To Make Fun Of Religion - It Makes Fun Of Itself.

I Was Just At The Newly Opened Creationist Museum In Kentucky.... And They Have This Exhibit Of A Giant Dinosaur...with A Saddle On Its Back. Because The World Is Only 5000 Years Old, So Man And The Dinosaurs Had To Coexist, And, Of Course, We Rode Them. A Theory I Thought Laughable At The Age Of Eight When I Saw It On The Flintstones!

I Was Out At The Hbo Party, These Are Liberals, I Imagine, And A Lot Of People Came Up To Me And Said, "keep Giving It To The President."