I Have Impossible Standards.

Everything You Think You're Supposed To Feel Even, Or Do. When It Doesn't Match Up With What Everything That The Culture Is Telling You To Do, You Feel Like A Failure.

I'm Such A Grandma. I Don't Tweet; I Don't Have A Facebook Page.

I Think I Was Always A Drama Queen. I Really, Really, Really Loved Playing Pretend.

I Have Two Kids, And When My Oldest Was First Born, It Was The Most Vulnerable Feeling In The World. I Remember Taking Him To His First Doctor's Appointment, And On The Sheet, It Said "mother," And I Put My Mom's Name. I Was Like, "oh, Right, I ... I'm The Mother!" You Just Feel So Vulnerable.

The Brazilian Bikini Wax Is Torture. To Show A Little Appreciation, You Could Trim Your Nose Hair. And Your Nut Sack.