I Had A Tumor. But It Was

I Am Neither Spontaneous Nor Ready For Anything.

I Am No Fun At All. In Fact, I Am Anti-fun. Not As In Anti-violence, But As In Anti-matter. I Am Not So Much Against Fun - Although I Suppose I Kind Of Am - As I Am The Opposite Of Fun. I Suck The Fun Out Of A Room. Or Perhaps I'm Just A Different Kind Of Fun; The Kind That Leaves On Bereft Of Hope; The Kind Of Fun That Ends In Tears.

What Remains Of Your Past If You Didn't Allow Yourself To Feel It When It Happened? If You Don't Have Your Experiences In The Moment, If You Gloss Them Over With Jokes Or Zoom Past Them, You End Up With Curiously Dispassionate Memories.

Have You Ever Had One Of Those Moments When You Know That You're Being Visited By Your Own Future? They Come So Rarely And With Little Fanfare, Those Moments. They're Not Particularly Photogenic. There's No Breach In The Clouds To Reveal The Shining City On A Hill. No Folk Dancing Children Outside Your Bus, No Production Values To Speak Of- Just A Glimpse Of Such Quotidian, Incontrovertible Truth That After The Initial Shock At The Supreme Weirdness Of It All, A Kind Of Calm Sets In. So This Is To Be My Life.

I Am Going To The Bad Place, As Is My Wont.