"i Got Up Early Because I Wanted

Without Valentine's Day, February Would Be... Well, January.

It Is Amazing How Much More Amazing Sleep Is In The Morning. You Wake Up And You're Like, "i Stayed Up To Do What?! Watch Growing Pains? What Was I Thinking!?" But At Night You're Like, "la La La La La, Hey! Growing Pains, Awesome! And I've Seen This Episode. That Kirk Cameron's Always In Trouble."

Raising Kids May Be A Thankless Job With Ridiculous Hours, But At Least The Pay Sucks.

I Think Growing Up In Indiana Prepares Anyone For A Life In Comedy. I Do Feel Like There Is A Certain Kind Of Self-effacing Cynicism Among All Hoosiers.

Why Do You Have To Be Out Of Town To Write A Postcard? I Want A To Write A Postcard To My Neighbor: "i Still Live Near You!" The Guy Sees Me Go Into My Apartment, Flips The Card Over, It's Just A Picture Of Me Holding A Rifle.