I Got Into Comedy So I Could

The Only Reason I Can't Recommend Heroin To Kids Is Because The Effects Wear Off.

My Dad Was Superman To Me, And In My Mind He Always Will Be.

I Used To Be A Longshoreman. I Didn't Go To College. I Have A Voice That When I Say Something, It Can Sound Way Meaner Than You Think It Is.

It's Good To Be Alive.

Artie Is Going To Do What Ever Artie Wants To Do.