I Feel The Need To Scream, And

Some People Have Religion As A Means Of Solace. But, I Had A Dreidel, So That Was Out.

All The Candy Corn That Was Ever Made Was Made In 1911.

If You Don't Drink 56 Bottles Of Water A Week, Scientists Say You Should Take A Garden Hose At The End Of The Week And Shove It Up Your Ass.

My Touring Has Never Stopped; From The Time I Started Doing Stand-up, I've Been On The Road.

It's A Big Thing Now: A Lot Of People Want To Be Assistants To Celebrities. If You're Pursuing That, You're An Idiot. You're A Moron. The Shortest Distance Between Two Points Is Not A Celebrity, Or Being Next To A Celebrity.