I Enjoy Doing Nothing.

I Have Been Commissioned To Write An Autobiography And I Would Be Grateful To Any Of Your Readers Who Could Tell Me What I Was Doing Between 1960 And 1974.

My Misdeeds Are Accidental Happenings And Merely The Result Of Having Been In The Wrong Bar Or Bed At The Wrong Time, Say Most Days Between Midday And Midnight.

I Was Under The Care Of A Couple Of Medical Students Who Couldn't Diagnose A Decapitation.

Journalism Is The Only Thinkable Alternative To Working.

I Have Stood In A Bar In Lambourn And Been Offered, In The Space Of Five Minutes, A Poached Salmon, A Leg Of A Horse, A Free Trip To Chantilly, Marriage, A Large Unsolicited Loan, Ten Tips For A Ten-horse Race, Two Second-hand Cars, A Fight, And The Copyright To A Dying Jockey's Life Story.