I Don't Want People To See Me

It's A Woman's Right To Know A Man's Intentions Upfront. Because, Once You Get Emotionally Attached To A Man And You Sleep With Him, It's Too Late.

If I Were An Animal, I'd Probably Be A Bald Eagle, Since I'm Already Bald And I Love To Fish. But I'd Probably Be A Shaky-ass Eagle Because I'm Afraid Of Flying.

I Tell People I'm A Stand-up Comedian Two Hours A Week. The Rest Of The Time, I'm Somebody's Husband, I'm Somebody's Father. I'm A Man. I Take Great Pride In That.

I Tell My Boys Not To Play Rough With Their Younger Sister. I Try To Teach Them What I Know Already: You're Never Going To Win An Argument With A Girl, So Just Let Her Have What She Wants!

I Don't Want People To See Me Fall. I Mean, I Got Enough People Cheering For Me To Fall Now... The Internet Has Created Some Amazing Place For Evil To Exist, You Dig?