I Don't Wanna Be Labeled As Straight

You Can Be Hitler And Go To Confession And Say Forgive Me, Father, I Killed Six Million Jews, And The Priest Would Just Be Like No Problem. Say 10 Heil Marys. And Hitler Goes To Heaven.

When I Was 9 Or 10 Years Old, My Dad Took Me Over To A Neighboring Farm To Help Get Stuff For The Meal. The Farmer, Vic, Told Me To Look At All The Turkeys And Pick One Out. I Saw A Cute One With A Silly Walk And Cried, 'him!' Before My Pointing Finger Had Even Dropped To My Side, Vic Had Grabbed The Turkey By The Neck And Slit [the Animal's] Throat. Blood And Feathers Went Flying. I Had Sentenced That Turkey To Death! Up Until Then, I Didn't Know Where Meat Came From—and I've Been A Vegetarian Ever Since.

Mommy Is One Of The Chosen People … And Daddy Believes That Jesus Is Magic!

I Always Look At Myself Knowing That I Will Have A Certain Degree Of Cognitive Distortion.

I Just Look Like A Transvestite When I Try To Dress Up. There's No Place To Hide My Balls.