I Don't Enjoy Any Kind Of Danger

Sometimes I'll Be Telling My Husband, 'i Think I'm Cracking Up'. Sometimes You Just Need A Minute To Say, 'i Think I'm Cracking' And Just Acknowledge It.

I Never Dreamed I Would Receive The Mark Twain Prize For American Humor, Mostly Because My Style Is So Typically Austrian.

We Should Leave People Alone About Their Weight. Being Skinny For A While (provided You Actually Eat Food And Don't Take Pills Or Smoke To Get There) Is A Perfectly Fine Pastime. Everyone Should Try It Once, Like A Super-short Haircut Or Dating A White Guy.

I Was Wearing My Best Gap Turtleneck And My Dates Were Two Adult Lesbians, So Yea, I Was Pretty Cool.

To Say I’m An Overrated Troll, When You Have Never Even Seen Me Guard A Bridge, Is Patently Unfair.