I Do Still Get Intimidated By Certain

I Have The Show Because I'm Insecure. It's My Insecurity That Makes Me Want To Be A Comic, That Makes Me Need The Audience.

I've Had People Say To Me, 'look At The Sky, The Fields, The Ocean, The Beautiful Sunset. Isn't That Proof Positive Of God?' Following That Line Of Thought, Look At The Magnificent Rainbows After A Big Rainstorm. Isn't That Proof Positive That God Is Gay?

Whenever I Get Down About Life Going By Too Quickly, What Helps Me Is A Little Mantra That I Repeat To Myself: At Least I'm Not A Fruit Fly.

If I Have Sex, I Know My Quarterly Estimated Taxes Must Be Due. And If It's Oral Sex, I Know It's Time To Renew My Driver's License.

Sex After One Child Shows Down. After Twins... Ooh... I'll Tell You What It Is For Us. I'll Share It With You. Every Three Months. We Don't Plan It That Way. That's Just How It Works Out. It's The Weirdest Thing. You Know What I Do? Every Time I Have Sex, The Next Day I Pay My Estimated Tax. My Quarterlies Are Due. If It's Oral Sex, I Renew My Driver's License.