I Do Still Get Intimidated By Certain

Identical Twins. I'm Glad They're Identical 'cause You Save Money On Photographs. That's What I Like. Yeah. Here's My Little Boy. I Got Another One Just Like It.

When You Go To Standup, There Seems To Be A Common Denominator Of Some Form Of Need Or Want For Validation From The Audience That Maybe You Were Lacking As A Kid.

Sex After One Child Shows Down. After Twins... Ooh... I'll Tell You What It Is For Us. I'll Share It With You. Every Three Months. We Don't Plan It That Way. That's Just How It Works Out. It's The Weirdest Thing. You Know What I Do? Every Time I Have Sex, The Next Day I Pay My Estimated Tax. My Quarterlies Are Due. If It's Oral Sex, I Renew My Driver's License.

For The Sake Of Your Marriage, Get A King-size Bed. And If You Really Want To Stay Married, Get Two.

I'll Be Spending The Holidays With My Family. Nothing Special, Just Some Light Bickering And Biting Sarcasm.