I Did Try When I Wasn't Doing

I Think My Comedy, The Put-downs I Do To Hecklers, Are The Accumulated Bitterness Of Years Of People Feeling That It's Perfectly Acceptable To Make A Comment On Your Appearance When They Don't Even Know You.

I Made A Supreme Effort Not To Do That Thing That Parents Do, Which Is To Bore People Without Children To Death By Going On And On About How Funny Their Children Are, So There's None Of That Hopefully.

I Tried To Eat Better Too, But When You're On Tour You Literally Just Eat Some Hideous Pork Pie On The Motorway On The Way To A Show. It's A Really Unhealthy Lifestyle: You're Up Late, Drinking Loads Of Coffee To Stay Awake, Drinking Loads Of Alcohol Because You're Socialising With People.

With Proper Acting, I Don't Know What I Would Play - I Got Sent A Script For A Play, And It Said In The Notes That My Proposed Character Was 'hideously Fat And Ugly'. That Made My Day. I Mean, I Do Know I Am No Oil Painting.

One Thing Lots Of Christians Do Have In Common Is That They Can't Help Coming Across As Smug. This Winds Lots Of People Up, Particularly Because Famous Christians Pronounce On The Life Of The Poor From Their Very Lovely Affluent Homes Filled With Their Very Lovely Families And Attractive Pets.