I’d Like To See A Forklift Lift

I Don't Have A Microwave Oven, But I Do Have A Clock That Occasionally Cooks Stuff.

I Like It When You Reach Into A Vending Machine To Grab Your Candy Bar, And That Flap Goes Up To Block You From Reaching Up? That's A Good Invention. Before That, It Was Hard Times For The Vending Machine Owners. "yeah, What Candy Bar Are You Getting?" "that One, And Every One On The Bottom Row!"

I Was Going To Stay Overnight At My Friend's House - He Said, "you'll Have To Sleep On The Floor." Damn Gravity! You Don't Know How Bad I Wanted To Sleep On The Wall.

If I Had A Dollar For Every Time I Said That, I'd Be Making Money In A Very Weird Way.

The Commercial For Diet Dr. Pepper Says It Tastes Just Like Regular Dr. Pepper. Well, Then They Screwed Up!