I Could See Myself Adopting A Kid

When I Finished High School, I Wanted To Take All My Graduation Money And Buy Myself A Motorcycle. But My Mom Said No. See, She Had A Brother Who Died In A Horrible Motorcycle Accident When He Was 18. And I Could Just Have His Motorcycle.

I Loved Stephen Wright, And I Loved Mitch Hedberg, But They Seemed Like Geniuses You Could Never Emulate. You'd Just Be Ripping Them Off.

I'm Getting Pretty Worried. My Girlfriend Hasn't Gotten Her Period. And She's Already 14.

I Let A Friend Set Me Up On A Blind Date. It Was A Disaster. She Ended Up Being A Burn Victim. By The End Of The Night.

It's Impossible For Me To Hear The Words Quadruple Murder Suicide Without Thinking Of My Grandparents.