I Can't Take A Well-tanned Person Seriously.

I Consider The 3 Most Cruelly Produced Foods To Be From Lobsters, Dropped Alive Into Boiling Water, Veal From Calves Separated From Their Mothers And Kept In Crates, And Pate De Foie Gras.

People Ask Me What Makes A Good Funeral, And I Tell Them The Most Important Thing Is Your Man In The Casket. If You Have A Man Of Substance In There, You Have The Makings Of A First-class Funeral.

There Are Only Two Ways Out For Animals At Pounds--being Adopted Or Being Killed. And Cats Have Such A Low Rate Of Adoption That Many Pounds, Even In Some Larger Cities, Don't Bother To Take Them In At All. Not For Nothing Is It Always The "dog Pound" And Never The "cat Pound.

Relations Between The Sexes Are So Complicated That The Only Way You Can Tell If Members Of The Set Are Going Together Is If They Are Married. Then, Almost Certainly, They Are Not.

The Facts Of Life Are Very Stubborn Things.