I Can't Eat Spaghetti. There's Too Many

That's Always Disappointed Me, To See A Guy In The Crowd Who Doesn't Look Like He's Having Fun But In General If You Just Listen To The Crowd It Sounds Like They're Having Fun. So I Don't Want To Focus On The One Guy Who's Not Having Fun. And By Closing My Eyes And Just Listening, I Can't Hear That He's Not Laughing But I Can See That He's Not Laughing.

Say, I Was On The Craig Kilbourne Show And The Next Day I Flew To Minneapolis. I Was At The Airport And A Guy Came Up. He Said, 'dude, I Saw You On Tv Last Night.' But He Did Not Say Whether Or Not He Thought I Was Good, He Just Confirmed That I Was On Television. So I Turned My Head Away From Him For About A Minute, Then I Turned It Back. I Said, 'dude, I Saw You At The Airport About A Minute Ago. And You Were Good.'

Earlier I`ve Done Hatever I Could Get My Hands On To Do For A Living. I Tried A Couple Of Different Things, But Kitchen Work Was The Best For Me, Because I Took To A Nomadic Lifestyle Before I Started Doing Comedy. If You Travel And Get To A Town And Need A Job, Restaurants Are Always There.

I Saw A Human Pyramid Once. It Was Very Unnecessary. It Did Not Need To Exist.

When You Go To A Bar That Has A Black Light, Everybody Looks Cool. Except For Me, Because I Was Under The Impression That The Mustard Stain Came Out.