I Can Read Minds, But I'm Illiterate.

This One Commercial Said, "forget Everything You Know About Slipcovers." So I Did, And It Was A Load Off Of My Mind. Then The Commercial Tried To Sell Slipcovers, But I Didn't Know What They Were!

I Cannot Tell You What Hotel I'm Staying At, But There Are Two Trees Involved.

When You're In Hollywood And You're A Comedian, Everybody Wants You To Do Other Things. All Right, You're A Stand-up Comedian, Can You Write Us A Script? That's Not Fair. That's Like If I Worked Hard To Become A Cook, And I'm A Really Good Cook, They'd Say, "ok, You're A Cook. Can You Farm?"

If You're A Fish And You Want To Be A Fish-stick, You Have To Have Very Good Posture.

I'm Gonna Fix That Last Joke By Taking Out All The Words And Adding New Ones.