I Am A Mass Of Contradictions.

Before I Take You Into The Beating Heart Of The Story, Let’s Get One Thing Out Of The Way. I Know From Experience That When It Comes Up Later, It Will Distract You So Much That You Won’t Be Able To Concentrate On Anything Else I Will Tell You. My Name Is Jubilee Dougal. Take A Moment And Let It Sink In.

It's Always Easier To Say Good-bye When You Know It's Just A Prelude To Hello.

I Envisioned Huge Piles Of The Elf Hotel Flying Off The Belt, Taking Down Everybody In Sight. I Had Seen Pictures Of That Elf Hotel - It Had Sharp Candy-cane Spires That Could Easily Impale Someone. If Anyone Was Ever Going To Be Killed By An Elf Hotel, It Would Be My Parents.

I've Heard People On Panels Say, 'you Must Have A Web Site. You Need To Tweet. Repeat The Title Of Your Book Constantly,' And I Just Want To Say, 'shut Up. Everything You're Saying Is Wrong.' People Will Know Instantly If Your Only Motivation For Tweeting Is To Sell Books.

Hey! Jack The Wanker! Over Here! I Want Your Autograph!