I Am A Man Of My Word…

My Friend Has Hand Soap That Smells Like Coconut. It's Nice. Unless Your Hands Are Dirty From Coconuts.

It's Hard To Know What's Gay In Life. Boxing. That's Two Men Fighting Over A Belt.

To Get Strangers To Hate You Even Faster, Crank Up The Volume On That Very Interesting Ringtone Of Yours.

I Set A Personal Record On Christmas. I Got My Shopping Done Three Weeks Ahead Of Time. I Had All The Presents Back At My Apartment, I Was Halfway Through Wrapping Them, And I Realized, 'damn, I Used The Wrong Wrapping Paper.' The Paper I Used Said, 'happy Birthday.' I Didn't Want To Waste It, So I Just Wrote 'jesus' On It.

I Bought A Clock, But The Big Hand Broke Off Of It... So I Just Added "ish" To Every Number.