I Always Thought I Was Going To

My Cranky Cardiologist Says I'm Destined To Die In The Kitchen.

The Difference Between Las Vegas And Atlantic City Is The Difference Between Getting Conned By A Beautiful Call Girl And Getting Mugged By A Crack Head.

The Best Thing About Las Vegas Is That No One Pretends To Be Responsible For Your Behavior Like They Do In The Rest Of The Country. There's No Meddling Self-righteous Liberals Or Right-wing Christian Demagogues Telling You That You Can't Do Something Fun With Your Own Time And Money. If You Can Afford It, It's Yours.

I Was Raised By Just My Mom. See, My Father Died When I Was Eight Years Old. At Least, That's What He Told Us In The Letter.

My Fans Are Pretty Normal, They Are Always Really Nice And Polite, And They Don't Interrupt My Meals.