How To Be A Bouncer: Be An

I Can Tell How Lonely I Am By How Easily I'm Fooled By A Mannequin In A Store.

Usually My Favorite Joke Is Whichever Joke I Most Recently Came Up With That Surprised Me The First Time I Thought Of It.

Thing To Try: If You Are Asked To Describe A Suspect To A Police Sketch Artist, Describe In Precise Detail, The Features Of The Police Sketch Artist. This Is One Of The Rare Instances Where Two People Can Do One Self-portrait.

I Bought A Cactus. A Week Later It Died. And I Got Depressed, Because I Thought, Damn. I Am Less Nurturing Than A Desert.

When People Show Me Pictures Of Their Kids, It's Okay. But When I Give Them A Picture Of Me, To Show To Their Kids, I'm Weird. What Kind Of One Way Street Is That?