How Dumb Do I Think The Americans

For Stand-up Comedians That Go Onstage And Get To Write And Perform And Direct, And Do All These Things, The Allure Of A Television Show Is Still There But If It Doesn't Offer A Level Of Creative Fulfillment, It's Oddly Unappealing.

Raising Kids May Be A Thankless Job With Ridiculous Hours, But At Least The Pay Sucks.

If Camping Is So Great, Why Are The Bugs Always Trying To Get In Your House?

We Are All A Little Weird. And We Like To Think That There Is Always Someone Weirder. I Mean, I Am Sure Some Of You Are Looking At Me And Thinking, “well, At Least I Am Not As Weird As You,” And I Am Thinking, “well, At Least I Am Not As Weird As The People In The Loony Bin,” And The People In The Loony Bin Are Thinking, “well, At Least I Am An Orange”.

Some Fast Food Places, They Have That Ketchup Pump. It's Like A Keg. They Give You The Paper Shot Glass. I Always Like To Hang Around There, Try And Meet The Ladies. "here, I'll Pump For You. You Come To This Wendy's Often? My Roommate And I, We Got A Pony Pump Back At My Dorm. Here's An Extra Shot "