Great Humorists Are Great Insulters.

There Should Be Three Days A Week When No One Is Allowed To Say: 'what's Your Sign?' Violators Would Have Their Copies Of Kahlil Gibran Confiscated.

I Did Standup While Still Working For Johnny Carson In The Mid-'60s, Thus Gaining The Advantage Of At Least Getting Laughs From Him About How I Hadn't The Night Before.

When I'm Doing An Appearance Somewhere And Taking Questions From The Audience, I Can Always Count On: 'tell About The Guy Who Died On Your Show!'

Electronic Devices Dislike Me. There Is Never A Day When Something Isn't Ailing.

Once I Left Out What I Then Considered My Best Line Because There Was A Suspected Column Rat In The House.