Great Humorists Are Great Insulters.

There Should Be Three Days A Week When No One Is Allowed To Say: 'what's Your Sign?' Violators Would Have Their Copies Of Kahlil Gibran Confiscated.

If You Have A Relative Who's Lost Interest In Everything And Doesn't Get Out Of Bed, Who Doesn't Care For Things They Used To, Can't Imagine Anything That Would Give Them Any Pleasure, Don't Fool Around With It; Get Therapy, Get Help, Get Medication If That's Right For You, Or Talk Therapy, Or Something.

Every Time Someone Says, 'you Know, We Really Ought To Get Together,' If I Were Really Honest, I Would Ask 'why?'

Just Think Of All The Billions Of Coincidences That Don't Happen.

I Am Always Shocked That There Are Still A Handful Of Defenders Of The Dubious Practice Of Abstinence, Surely The Worst Idea Since Chocolate-covered Ants.