Great, As Long As You're Happy

Ratings Experts Say The Best Way To Get People To Watch During Sweeps Is To Leave The Audience With A Question That Won't Be Answered Until The Next Time The Show Is On. You Know, Like Who Shot J.r.? I Like To Think I Do This Every Night - The Question Is, Is This Show Still On?

The Bible Has Been Through At Least Half A Dozen Translations By The Time You Read It. Plus, When The Word Of God Is Infected By The Hand Of Man, That Is, Written Down, It Is Tainted.

Well, Everyone, Welcome To Shark Week. Oh That's On Cbs And There's Been A Lot Of Cutbacks, So It's Just Friday Night For A Couple Of Minutes. And We Don't Have Any Sharks, Just An Immigrant With A Puppet. Hey, But It's A Start!

With Good Parody, You Have To Be Smarter That The People You’re Parodying.

I Don't Think Of Myself Of A Late-show Host Any More Than I Think Of Myself Of A Game-show Host. I Mean, I've Done Both, I've Been An Actor. I'm Just Kind Of A Carny, That's It.