God, That Anthony Jeselnik Show Sounds Really

I Will Never Understand How A Mother Can Kill Her Own Baby And Not Get Away With It.

I Want To Marry The Kind Of Girl That Walks Out Of An Abortion Clinic With A Lollipop.

When I Finished High School, I Wanted To Take All My Graduation Money And Buy Myself A Motorcycle. But My Mom Said No. See, She Had A Brother Who Died In A Horrible Motorcycle Accident When He Was 18. And I Could Just Have His Motorcycle.

Sure, Retarded Jokes Write Themselves. But The Spelling Is Always Way Off.

The World Is Full Of Horrible Things That Will Eventually Get You And Everything You Care About. Laughter Is A Universal Way To Lift Your Head Up And Say: 'not Today, You Bastards.'