God Bless America. And No Place Else.

I Don't Write Jokes First. I Write Down Topics. I Think Of What I Want To Talk About, And Then I Write The Jokes - They Don't Write Me... And Even If You Don't Think It's Funny, You Won't Think It's Boring. You Might Disagree, But You'll Listen. And Maybe Even Laugh As You Disagree.

You Don't Pay Taxes - They Take Taxes.

A Cat, By Any Other Name, Is Still A Sneaky Little Furball That Barfs On The Furniture.

I'll Go Back To Comedy Clubs When They Get A Real No-camera Policy, The Same Way They Did With Smoking.

A Black Christian Is Like A Black Person With No Memory.