I Can't Cook, But I Have A

Oprah Is Rich; Bill Gates Is Wealthy. If Bill Gates Woke Up Tomorrow With Oprah's Money, He'd Jump Out Of A Window And Slit His Throat On The Way Down Saying, 'i Can't Even Put Gas In My Plane!'

When A Musical Act Performs, The Black Audience Goes Crazy For All The Stuff, The Album Cuts, Everything. White Audiences, They're Nice And All, But They're Not Going To Lose It Until They Get The Hits. Comedy Is The Same Thing.

No Matter What Kind Of Backgrounds Two Men Are From, If You Go, 'hey, Man, Women Are Crazy,' You've Got A Friend.

The Thing I Try To Get Across To The Writers - And I Do A Lot Of Writing, Too - Is That When I Do Stand-up, Nothing I Talk About Is Funny. Everything Is Really Sad And Tragic And Then I Make It Funny.

I've Been Married For 10 Years And, You Know, It's Hard, You Spruce It Up And You Go Places. How Do You Spruce Up Anything? Artificially. You Go Places And Do Things.