Gluttony And Idleness Are Two Of Life's

Surely Being A Professional Beauty - Let Alone An Ageing One - Is One Of The Most Insecure And Doomed Careers Imaginable.

When I Moved To Brighton From London In 1995, I Was Struck By What I Thought Of As Its Townliness. A Town, It Seemed To Me, Was That Perfect Place To Live, Neither City Nor Country, Both Of Which Like To Think They Are Light Years Apart But Actually Have A Great Deal In Common.

Sex, On The Whole, Was Meant To Be Short, Nasty And Brutish. If What You Want Is Cuddling, You Should Buy A Puppy.

Mind You, I've Always Been A Very Off-message Type Of Fat Broad; One Who Gladly Admits She Reached The Size She Is Now Solely Through Lack Of Discipline And Love Of Pleasure, And Who Rather Despises People (except Those With Proven Medical Conditions) Who Pretend That It Is Generally Otherwise.

Grooming Oneself With All The Crazed Compulsion Of An Under-exercised Lab Rat In Order To Hook A Rich Man And Obtain A Lush Lifestyle Makes A Certain (albeit Seedy) Sense.