Glitter Is The Herpes Of Craft Supplies.

I Ordered A Wake-up Call The Other Day. The Phone Rang And A Woman's Voice Said, 'what The Hell Are You Doing With Your Life?'

A Know-it-all Is A Person Who Knows Everything Except For How Annoying He Is.

The Earth Without Art Is Just Eh.

I Am A Comedian But It's Usually Not A Compliment To Be Called A Prop Comedian But I Guess I Sometimes Use Props. And I Always Confuse Humorist With Comedian. That's Strange.

I Like "rock, Paper, Scissors Two-thirds." You Know. "rock Breaks Scissors." "these Scissors Are Bent. They're Destroyed. I Can't Cut Stuff. So I Lose." "scissors Cuts Paper." "these Are Strips. This Is Not Even Paper. It's Gonna Take Me Forever To Put This Back Together." "paper Covers Rock." "rock Is Fine. No Structural Damage To Rock. Rock Can Break Through Paper At Any Point. Just Say The Word. Paper Sucks." There Should Be "rock, Dynamite With A Cutable Wick, Scissors."