Gay People Don’t Actually Try To Convert

When Hiring, Mix Harvard Nerds With Chicago Improvisers And Stir.

At The Request Of The Catholic Church, A Three-day Sex Orgy To Be Held Near Rio De Janeiro Was Cancelled Last Friday. So Instead I Spent The Weekend Cleaning My Apartment.

I Think People Fetishize Glasses In General. You Could Put Glasses On A Rotting Pumpkin And People Would Think It Was Sexy.

I Have A Suspicion That The Definition Of "crazy" In Show Business Is A Woman Who Keeps Talking Even After No One Wants To F*** [sleep With Her] Anymore.

I Learned Quickly That Trying To Force Country Folk To Love The Big City Is Like Telling Your Gay Cousin, "you Just Haven't Met The Right Girl Yet.