Gags Die, Humor Doesn't.

There's Only Five Real People In Hollywood. Everyone Else Is Mel Blanc.

Any Man Who Would Walk Five Miles Through The Snow, Barefoot, Just To Return A Library Book So He Could Save Three Cents - That's My Kind Of Guy.

The Doctors Couldn't Find Anything Wrong With Me Except That I Have A Slight Stomach Pain. Wait Till I Get My Hospital Bill! Then I'll Really Have A Pain The Stomach!

When Another Comedian Has A Lousy Show, I'm The First One To Admit It.

Comedy Itself Is Based Upon Very Old Principles Of Which I Can Readily Name Seven. They Are, In Short: The Joke, Exaggeration, Ridicule, Ignorance, Surprise, The Pun, And Finally, The Comic Situation.