Gags Die, Humor Doesn't.

I Gambled At The Crap Table All Night And Finally Lost $8, But During That Time The House Gave Me Four Drinks And Two Cigars, So It Was Still A Lot Cheaper Than Renting A Room.

I Was Going To Buy My Girl A Packard Car For Christmas, But It Took Too Long To Deliver, So I Bought Her Some Handkerchiefs.

I Went To A Meeting For Premature Ejactulators. I Left Early.

I Don't Deserve This Award, But I Have Arthritis And I Don't Deserve That Either.

I'm Happy To Be Making My First Appearance On Air Professionally. By That I Mean I'm Finally Getting Paid, Which I Know Will Be A Great Relief To My Creditors.