Former U.s. House Majority Leader, Tom Delay,

A Woman In Great Britain Has Died After Being Hit In The Back Of The Head By A Golf Ball, On The First Hole. Her Husband Was So Distraught, He Only Played The Front Nine.

American Forces In Iraq Found $650 Million In American Cash Sealed In A Hidden Cottage. See, This Is Why President Bush Wants To Invade Iraq, The Whole Place Is Oil And Cash. It's Like Republican Disneyland.

The White House Has Now Released Military Documents That They Say Prove George Bush Met His Requirements For The National Guard. Big Deal, We've Got Documents That Prove Al Gore Won The Election.

According To Geologists, About 100 Million Years From Now, Asia And The Americas Will Smash Together To Form One Giant Supercontinent. The Good News: Maybe All Those Jobs That Went Over There Will Finally Come Back.

President Obama Was In Disney World Today Where He Unveiled His New Plan To Create Jobs. He Was Joined By Mickey Mouse And Minnie Mouse But Not Goofy. He Had To Stay Behind To Tend To His Vice Presidential Duties.