Festivus For The Restivus!

Nothing In Life Is Fun For The Whole Family. There Are No Massage Parlors With Ice Cream And Free Jewelry.

Can't You At Least Die With A Little Dignity?

There Is Nothing More Rewarding Than Completing A Goal You Have Set For Yourself.

I Only Do A Show When There's Somebody I Want To Talk To.

According To Most Studies, People's Number One Fear Is Public Speaking. Number Two Is Death. Death Is Number Two. Does That Sound Right? This Means To The Average Person, If You Go To A Funeral, You're Better Off In The Casket Than Doing The Eulogy.